I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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