If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
