what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
