Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
