They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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