I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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