He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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