I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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