I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
