I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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