i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
