Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
