I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
