i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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