You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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