i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize