We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
