that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
