Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
