I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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