you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
