Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
