The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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