Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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