I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
