I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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