The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
