thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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