Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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