its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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