he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
