Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
