i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
