my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
