Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
