no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
