sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
