Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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