My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
