i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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