told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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