i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
