i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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