we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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