I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
