is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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