I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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