I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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