I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
