it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
