dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
