He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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