We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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