one two three fourrrrnication!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize