How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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