i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
