is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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