I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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