my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
