i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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