Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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