Kareoke will never be a sober sport
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
