You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
