She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
