She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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