Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
